Vulnerability

I never knew that having a child would make me feel so exposed.

to the world
to germs
to the unvaccinated
to strangers
to disease
to opinions
to judgement

to anything and everything.

I cannot bubble wrap her. I cannot keep her little. I cannot keep her from making her own mistakes.

It's terrifying, the definition of feeling vulnerable. The person that I have grown and carried is now out to experience all her own firsts. Under my nose or not. It truly is as if your heart is walking around outside of your chest. Here I am only half a year in and already I think of these things.

For years before I had Presley I was (and still am) a wish granter for the Greater Bay Area Make-A-Wish Foundation. The reality that some parents are denied the privilege of seeing their own children age is preposterous. I never ever want to have to imagine this world without Presley in it. Now having Presley I find granting these wishes all the more difficult. While having a wish granted does not mean you are terminal - it does mean you have a life threatening disease. You know what is even more incredible? The grace in which these children handle their illnesses.

We can learn so much from them.

I know I cannot keep Presley little but I am so incredibly grateful that I get to watch her grow. A privilege denied to far too many.

In memory of Kylie Elizabeth Rowand.