Gone Baby Gone

I knew it was coming. Its been marked on the calendar since before you were born, small pieces of glitter and tissue paper are evidence it's on its way. I can see it in the way you are so eager to show me how much you have grown, lighting up like a Christmas tree when I get home from work.

She can play hide and seek, she can eat by herself, clap & wave amongst a myriad of other newly acquired feats. She doesn't always want to be held, she wants to feed herself and bedtime is often met with relief from a full day.

My baby is not such a baby anymore.

These past 300+ days have been a whirlwind. So many first times, for the both of us. I was just hoping I was getting it right and she was letting me know I was doing an okay job even when I wasn't. We survived our first earthquake together - I'll never forget the clanging of the pots and pans together on the rack as I held you. An all familiar wet nose climbing into my other free arm for comfort. You were 4 days old.

It wasn't too long after that you quickly started to change. You became more alert, cooing and smiling. We were quickly falling under your trance and adjusting to life as your mom and dad. It is by far the most honorable title I have ever held. I cannot say thank you enough for the promotion.

Now as I approach the very same day we brought you into the world. I can't help but start to feel a little emotional. Your newborn fuzz is long gone. Your tiny bird legs now thick with chub, your dark brown eyes hold more deliciousness than all the chocolate in the world.

Just as I have watched you grow older I see it in my own reflection too. I have more wrinkles around my mouth because you constantly have me grinning. The sparkle in my eye has grown, you are the most lovely gem I have ever had the pleasure of seeing. My brain wrought with worry just imagining all the things that could happen to you. My vow to keep you as safe as I can weighs upon me like darkness in the night sky.

My arms have grown stronger from reaching down to pick you up and pull you close. To inhale your skin is to imagine heaven is still upon you. Your hair like downy fluffs resting on top of your beautiful olive complexion. I hope that for all your life you see yourself as I see you. Intrinsically beautiful.

Thank you for calling me mama, for being my baby, now and for always.

While the last 300+ days have been some of the toughest we have ever faced. They are still my favorite because you were in them.

We still have 17 days until we say Happy Birthday, so for these next three weeks I'm going to snuggle my baby as often as I can. 

xo mama

PPS I love you