I Miss Labor

When the dates were rapidly dwindling towards my due date back in 2014 I had heard every story. Every awful, terrifying, "I hope this doesn't happen to you" birth story. One mom even told me that they either had to break her pelvis or break the babies arm to get him out...no joke. While I am acutely aware that labor is out of our control and anything can happen. I still profoundly miss it. I know it's a strange thing to say albeit an even more strange thing to miss, but let me tell you why.

Pregnancy is a really special time, one that is so special in fact, it has me waiting on number two. I am not ready to say "this is our last baby". And while pregnancy is very different for every woman, for me it was mostly pleasant. It was having a secret conversation everyday that is between you and your unborn child. Kicks and hiccups you could enjoy in silence as you rub your hand in circular motions over your ample belly.

Then for some women, like myself, your due date comes and goes and you are trying to figure out every single possible way to safely evict this baby of yours. Was that a braxton hick or a contraction? Could today be it? Please get this baby OUT OF ME!!

Once the contractions start coming - and oh you will know - you will suddenly not want this baby to come out. Because you're scared. Scared of labor, scared of what is to come, scared of how much your life is about to change. No matter your fears this baby is coming so onto the hospital you go!

When you get to the hospital and you're in the gown, it's time. ID bracelets are snapped on and nurses begin congratulating you. You're having a baby! The sound of your child's heartbeat fills the room, your husband looks nervous as you grit your teeth through another contraction. It's excruciating - but bearable and truly miraculous as the body and mind seem to remove the pain from memory.

Soon your doctor is saying "push, push, PUSH" and that feeling is like woah - there is no way a baby is coming out of there. But they do and it is yet another reminder of just how amazing this process is. You hurt all over, you're exhausted...

But then you see your baby. Your baby.

And they hand him/her to you and say "meet your mama".

And it's a feeling like I can't even describe.

It's not so much of the before, it's not so much of the after. It's those very first seconds of meeting. That's why I miss labor.

*DISLAIMER*
This is a part of my birth story how it happened to me. Everyone has a different experience, experiences different pregnancies, labors (C-section, VBAC, Vaginal), different post birth experiences. Some babies are only seen for a few short seconds before being whisked into NICU and not all babies get to do skin to skin time right after birth. No matter what your experience is we all want the end result of a happy, healthy, baby. This is just my story.